Letting her go was the hardest thing I've ever done. And it is so painful. But what hurts me more now is that because of what Trian had said before, I'm still jealous of him. Everytime I hear about Joan and Trian eating out, or hanging out, or just right now, they stayed together after eating out, to wait out the traffic... I get a feeling that maybe she left me for him. She said that there was nothing between them, but honestly, after everything she told me before, and how I felt decieved.. or maybe discarded, I somehow don't believe that that's all there is to it. When I hear about them talking in YM so late at night, or how she's enjoying spending time with him, my heart feels like it were being stabbed again. And deep down, I think to myself, "that could've been me instead of him," but then I realize that I've already let her go...

I'm hating myself for hating Trian because my stupid mind is telling me that he's a better person for her than I ever will be. Siguro nga if I were really honest, I would've admitted na they're better for each other than we ever were.. After everything is said and done, pride is a hard thing to swallow.. to accept what happened, to accept that I failed, to acknowledge that there is someone better for her than me, to accept that she doesn't love me, or would ever love me, ever.. those things kill my heart everytime I think about them.

Letting go is not easy. And I don't know when I'll ever stop crying.