I remember a line in the second movie of Spiderman where Peter Parker tells himself that for the greater good, sometimes we have to give up the things we love the most, and I wonder how true this might be. Why is it that I've always heard similar things from a lot of different sources? Is it that easy and that common that people give up what they love? Is is that simple to let go? It makes me think. Should I let her go already, completely, forever? It's hard... nay, it's very difficult.
I guess there's something wrong with me, the fact that I can't seem to let her go. The signs are there, but I keep denying them. What I can't figure out is this: She spends a lot of time with her friends, with her blockmates, with people in her organization... but with me, whom she calls her bestfriend, nothing. For other people, she makes up time; for me she's always busy. And she doesn't even want to see me regularly. She says she doesn't want routines... but it's ok for her to spend time with her blockmates everyday, or eat out with them often. She hasn't even asked me if we could meet, by her own accord... Who am I really to her? I don't understand anymore. She says we're bestfriends, but often I don't feel it. There are even times when I feel we are less so...
Today she had lunch out with her orgmates. She told her parents she'd be home by 1:30 but she only left past 3:00. So now her parents may not let her go back tomorrow, but she wants to and she'll ask anyway. She actively wants to spend time with them, and I haven't even seen her for 25 days already... Tell me, how would you feel in my shoes?
But I love her. And even if it hurts me to think like that, I still love her. So now I don't know what to do... do I let her go finally because I want her to be happy, or is it because I don't want to hurt anymore? What are my reasons for this idea? Both? But I don't want to let her go because I love her. I want us to be together. I promised I'd always be there for her... I'm selfish. I want what's best for her, and logically, if I let her go, that would be best for her... but that would destroy me. If I don't let her go, and I still hold on to that hope that we'll be together, everyday I'll feel like I'm being eaten alive. Because everyday would be the same as the days gone by and she won't change how she treats me - as bestfriend-but-not-quite-friend...
I really don't know what to do.
I guess there's something wrong with me, the fact that I can't seem to let her go. The signs are there, but I keep denying them. What I can't figure out is this: She spends a lot of time with her friends, with her blockmates, with people in her organization... but with me, whom she calls her bestfriend, nothing. For other people, she makes up time; for me she's always busy. And she doesn't even want to see me regularly. She says she doesn't want routines... but it's ok for her to spend time with her blockmates everyday, or eat out with them often. She hasn't even asked me if we could meet, by her own accord... Who am I really to her? I don't understand anymore. She says we're bestfriends, but often I don't feel it. There are even times when I feel we are less so...
Today she had lunch out with her orgmates. She told her parents she'd be home by 1:30 but she only left past 3:00. So now her parents may not let her go back tomorrow, but she wants to and she'll ask anyway. She actively wants to spend time with them, and I haven't even seen her for 25 days already... Tell me, how would you feel in my shoes?
But I love her. And even if it hurts me to think like that, I still love her. So now I don't know what to do... do I let her go finally because I want her to be happy, or is it because I don't want to hurt anymore? What are my reasons for this idea? Both? But I don't want to let her go because I love her. I want us to be together. I promised I'd always be there for her... I'm selfish. I want what's best for her, and logically, if I let her go, that would be best for her... but that would destroy me. If I don't let her go, and I still hold on to that hope that we'll be together, everyday I'll feel like I'm being eaten alive. Because everyday would be the same as the days gone by and she won't change how she treats me - as bestfriend-but-not-quite-friend...
I really don't know what to do.
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